Day 11- 20/08/2024

Yes I am restarting again

Yesterday I had a long long talk with my therapist cum friend and I dared to do in the very dark spaces where I would not have dared 

Signing off a question was put forward

Do you want to take care of your body or soul. I answered soul then

But at night after a very tough drama session with family back home, I decided if I continue to neglect my bodily needs I am going to detriorate

Day 10-02/05/2024

Buying alcholois in itself a laborious process here. So I am getting my quota on 03rd. I have prepared myself for the D day

Earlier I had planned to buy cooked chicken. But yesterday I brought and amd read to fry some chicken

I again forgot the keys in scooter and it seems battery died . I am pretty dissappointed with myself

Day 09- 01/05/2024

A new month. Labour Day. There is no holiday here. New AGM has been posted. I don't understand why the Bank has to keep changing and transferring people every year

Having said that a lesson to be learnt is detaching

Day 08- 30/04/2024

Yesterday I realised I do significantly nothing in the office. But yes I don't feel guilty about it. I have realised the system works on our egos and insecurities. The day you lose two of these you are a free man

I sex chatted with a old friend of mine. It was about the exploits from life a decade ago. Do we feel guilty about it? No

Day 07- 29/04/2024

Yesterday the promotion list came out. I had already exited from all the 'batchmates' groups. I need not endure the pain of congratulating anyone while I myself am burning with jealousy

One life skill I will impart my kid is how to network, make friends in right places and to be counted

Day 06- 28/04/2024

Yes I know. I couldn't keep a daily writing exercise and today I realise it's been a month

The problem is I decided to stop the 'counselling'. The reason being the same old pattern of slipping into fault finding and being judgemental

I am not readynto go on a guilt trip.

Having said that I decided to pay more attention to myself. I have started doing some face scrub and moisturisers

I had a girlfriend whose whole body smelled so good. I don't know when someone is going to smell mine. But if someone does it should feel good

Day 05-17/03/2024

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Day 04- 16/03/2024

I used to be someone who made up sexual stories or said 'I love you' just for the woman to feel good

Yesterday someone chatted with me and said ' I love you'. She expected me to recip[rocate

I could not. I don't know why

It is not becauseI turned the corner. But I no longer felt to.

Day 3-16/03/2024

Day went calm and lucid and peaceful

It gave me a feeling of a boat calmly and peacefully coming ashore. But this calm is sometimes frightening

In the evening I saw the movie Murder Mubarak. When I saw the relationship between two protagonists, it gave me a deja vu to the days gone by.  

We know it would hurt us in the long run. But we still go for the forbidden fruit and get banished from the Garden of Eden

Day Two-15/03/2024

The Day two has not started well as my building security went away with my bicycle

He thinks I , being the only Non Gujarati here gives him license to do any bullshit with me

The good thing is having some time to chat with an old very very good friend of mine, whom I respect and love so much.

Yesterday someone asked to write something about her. I was honoured. It is good to be acknowledged. Everyone needs their validation

Word for the day is Trust

Yesterday I came out the morning to see my Building security tokk my bike and went somewhere. I was pissed off.

I feel that he is taking too much liberty with me as I don't belong here. I woke up his sleeping wife and gave hima  piece of mind

I see my insecurity and mistrust spreading everywhere. I work up conspiracy theories in mind

Yesterday I went to speak with someone at my office and asked him what he thought of I moving to an apartment opposite to his. He was very indifferent. 

Anyways yesterday's counselling went off very well. The answers and responses are so typical. But we get someone to open up with

The Beginning- Day One

 I was not really looking forward to a therapy. The incomplete one a couple of years ago had left me with a bitterness

But when someone suggested yesterday, why not you try one. I did  and to be honest I was not much pleased when the connectivity was poor. But now yes. I feel relieved. The reason being I found someone to talk to and share with although it comes with a price.

After the session I was riding my scooter and I saw this electric version of MG. How majestic. One day I may own one. Some day I may not have to thing about income minus expenses.

The evening at office was not great. The old boss had appeared out of nowhere and was too eager to humiliate mein front of the present boss. How insecure the bitch is. The world is full of people filled with mistrust and hate

Evening Mom called up, she is worried about Dad. Old age is catching up fast. Physically and emotionally.

I returned back home and I don't know I was filled with some beautiful memories. The times we met and made love. It feels heavenly

 What I feel is we never know when the grape can turn sour. Enjoy it when it is ripe